If You Don’t Know Where You’re Going To Sleep Tonight

Separation, divorce, no job, spent your last dollar or don’t want to spend the savings you have left?

One evening in Spring of 2010, I found myself, sitting in my car in a parking lot with no place to go.  Missing my daughters.

The funny thing is I had money to get a hotel room.  we had sold a business just the year before.  I could have found a place immediately to stay.  I have friends I could have called, too.  But my mind wasn’t clear.  I had just left my wife after 20 plus years of marriage and being home full time with my kids for most of their lives. Nothing was real in that moment.  My world was turned upside down.

I walked through the grocery store that evening in what I now call social vertigo.  It was like I was out of phase with everyone else.  at some point it dawned on me I didn’t even know where I would be cooking the food I was buying!  Let alone sleep that night.  Realizing I no longer had a home.  By my own choice, I had jumped into something new and very disorienting and I wasn’t prepared mentall or physically.

It’s taken a while but I understand and could handle such a change much better now that I’ve been through it a few times.  Yes, 2010, was a hell of a ride.  And I am very aware of how much worse off many people are than I was at the time.  This post is an effort to pay forward the kindness and generosity of the people in my life who helped me through that experience in one way or another.

If you find yourself wondering where you are going to sleep tonight:

1.  Friends and Family - You have them, call them.  Learning to accept help was a big lesson for me.

2.  It’s okay if you need sleep in your car.  Many have done it and you’ll be fine.  Find a safe place to park and have some heavy blankets with you.

3.  Remember the big picture.  Have a plan to get from where you are this hour to where you want to be in a few weeks. Have a friend who can check up with you and your plan daily.

4.  Focusing on your immediate needs will take your mind away from the big picture.  And that shift can lead to a downward spiral.  Checking in with a friend can help you keep your head in the game.

5.  Survival instincts are strong and you’ll be surprised at just how basic and raw your feelings and impulses can get.  Your social support is critical here, too.  Don’t isolate yourself.

Yes, isolating yourself will make things worse.  Keep in contact with a few close friends.  They will make the difference for you.  When you’re not thinking clearly a trusted perspective, especially from people who’ve been there, is priceless.